


I'll Be There In A Few Minutes/Millennia

by DraconicHex



Series: A Few Minutes/Millennia [1]
Category: Touhou Project
Genre: Angst, Bad Puns, Casual Tears in the Fabric of the Universe, F/F, Fluff, Mystery, from Renko's perspective at least
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-11
Updated: 2016-12-27
Packaged: 2018-08-14 09:10:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 15,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8007439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DraconicHex/pseuds/DraconicHex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Maribel doesn't show at one of her and Renko's meetings, Renko just assumes she's having a vision and she'll be back in a few minutes. But when she doesn't show for months, Renko decides to figure out what's going on, and why someone who looks oddly like Merry has appeared on her university campus.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

[merryberry] Okay, so where are we meeting? (Sent 7:54 PM)  
[usamimi] I figured the university courtyard sounded good? It shuts down at around midnight, thanks to the night classes. (Sent 7:55 PM)  
[merryberry] We’re meeting at 8:30, right? I don’t want to be late. (Sent 7:55 PM)  
[usamimi] Yeah, 8:30 sounds good. What was the thing you wanted to talk about, anyway?  
(Sent 8:01 PM)  
[merryberry] It’s a surprise, silly! But don’t worry. I’m sure you’ll like it. (Sent 8:02 PM)  
[usamimi] Alrighty, I’ll not spoil your surprise for you. I’m excited now, though~ (Sent 8:03 PM)  
[merryberry] I need to put my university stuff away now, but I’ll text when I’m on the way!  
(Sent 8:05 PM)  
[usamimi] See you then! (Sent 8:05 PM)  
[merryberry] I’ll be there in five minutes! (Sent 8:17 PM)  
[usamimi] Ok, I’m there waiting for you. (Sent 8:19 PM)  
[usamimi] You okay there Merry? It doesn’t look like you’re here yet. (Sent 8:31 PM)  
[usamimi] I’m kinda getting worried here. (Sent 8:47 PM)

It was 9:01:19 PM, and Maribel Hearn still hadn’t replied. It wasn’t like her to be late to her and Renko’s meetings- in fact, Renko was the one who tended to be late, despite acting as a perfectly accurate clock- and certainly not like her to be more than half an hour late. This was worrying. She didn’t know what could have happened, but with the two’s involvement in occult activities, she was sure it wasn’t good. “Occult activities” to be taken with a grain of salt, of course. The closest the two came to a proper occult club was the time they opened a portal to the Netherworld in a graveyard.  
No, what the two truly investigated was other worlds. Other worlds, separated from our own by boundaries that few could see. That’s the reason that Renko was worried. The one who could see boundaries was her Merry. Unfortunately for her, this vision wasn’t a choice, and she tended to get dragged behind these boundaries in her sleep.  
Or, she _had_ gotten dragged behind them while she was asleep. These nightmares of hers had steadily been intensifying in the past months. First it was physically going to other realms, then it was being able to bring others to them as long as she was asleep near them. Then, latest, and most worrying, it was going to these worlds while awake, and being able to choose when she went to them. It seemed that that should be less worrying, right? But going to a world while awake means you can’t just wake up from your nightmare and be home. You have to find your own world and time again.  
Thoughts like this roiled around in Renko’s head, clouding her mind with all the terrible situations that could have happened to Merry. The only uncontrollable thing that had happened in the recent past was on their anniversary, when Merry had had one of her visions just before the two had been planning to go out. Reality had cracked around her, and she had vanished into another world, the whole nine yards. She had come back within five minutes, though. And the place she had gone didn’t seem to be dangerous, just an odd little village full of cats. That had been two months ago, too.  
Ah, time had gotten away from Renko again. Funny how that happened. She checked the sky: 9:46:52 PM. Merry still hadn’t replied. It would probably be a good idea to go back to their apartment and check if she was there. Perhaps she had missed her cab, and then dropped her tablet? Or maybe she was staring off into space, seeing another world but not being able to go there. It wouldn’t be the first time. Renko decided to send her one last text before hailing the cab. It would be embarrassing if she was on her way home while Merry was walking up to the courtyard.

[usamimi] Just wanted to let you know I’m heading home to check on you now.  
[usamimi] Hope you didn’t drop your tablet down the stairs while staring off into space. You’ve kinda got me worried, so please reply soon, okay Merry?

She really hoped Merry was okay.


	2. Chapter 2

If Merry was okay, she certainly wasn’t showing it. Her pink umbrella was out of the stand, which made sense if she had left the house with the heavy clouds out, yet her tablet and keys were still sitting on the table. Renko turned it on, just to check that it wasn’t broken. Of course it wasn’t. Why have a reasonable explanation for someone’s disappearance when you could have someone disappear without any of their valuables that they would need to go any distance in this city? She was sure Merry the Magician could work out a reasonable explanation to get onto college campus without her key, yet how could she hail a cab without her tablet’s chip? As far as Renko knew, she didn’t own a physical credit card.

The even stranger thing was, if she had disappeared while in the house, she wouldn’t have had her umbrella. Maybe she had decided to walk to campus? But that wouldn’t take five minutes from inside the house. They were at least a few miles away. Besides, she would have needed her keys anyway. That was certain.

This situation distinctly felt like it was shaping up to be a mystery novel, and Renko distinctly did not like it. 

She decided to check the rest of the house for clues. Merry could be asleep in her room, maybe. That wouldn’t be entirely unprecedented- she did sleep quite a bit- but it would be a bit annoying if she had just decided to take a nap instead of coming to show Renko that surprise.

Wait. That surprise! Could it be the cause behind all of this? Perhaps Merry had gotten her hands on some rare magic item, or something, and it had caused her to disappear! If she could just find that item, maybe she could find Merry. Unless Merry had taken it with her. That would be a bit of a problem. Anyway, she methodically began checking all the cabinets for something out of the ordinary. It would be easy to find, for sure. After all, the two were college students- not exactly the kind of people who you expect to have an apartment littered with priceless magical artifacts. The only things they had were great-aunt Sumireko’s zener cards, which, while possibly connected to ESP, were not exactly magical in and of themselves, the bamboo shoots that Merry had brought from one of her expeditions to another world (the cookies had been eaten), which were rather dry seeing as they were approximately two years old, and the only actual magical item the pair owned, a fragment of the Izanagi Plate. This was framed on the kitchen wall, however, and didn’t seem like it had moved from its original position in the slightest. Of course they had books on the occult, but those were distinctly rumor, and Merry couldn’t tell if there was anything occult about the books themselves. The contents had proved helpful during their many expeditions, however. And lastly, there was a copy of the article the two had written, “Swallowstone Naturalis Historia.” It was a year or so old, but it did have a general understanding of the creatures Merry met in her dreams, explained through the use of quantum uncertainty. Still couldn’t explain how she got into her dreams, even with all of Renko’s knowledge of physics and all of Merry’s of psychology. 

Nope, there was nothing out of the ordinary in the slightest. The beat-up old manual toaster (how did they even find that in the flood of voice-activated ones), the brand-new telescope (Renko certainly had her priorities in order), the tiny refrigerator, their bedroom with its painting of a violet sunset on one of the walls (Merry loved her purple), and the comfortable old couch in the living room. Nothing that could explain where Merry had gone, at all. 

Renko decided to call it a night. Merry’s visions always tended to let up after a while, anyway. If she wasn’t here in the morning, she’d probably have to contact Merry’s parents. Which was always a bit intimidating, seeing as her mother was an ambassador. Oh well. She’d just have to wait until morning and see what happened.


	3. Chapter 3

Merry hadn’t been there in the morning. She hadn’t been there in the next morning, or the morning after that either. She hadn’t been there in ten weeks. Her parents were panicked, constantly texting Renko to ask if she had seen their daughter, if she had any advice on where to look, if she could help them program a missing ad for the online news. She tried to help as best as she could, except with the programming bit. That had always been Merry’s forte, and with her missing it felt… empty. Whenever Renko had tried to program with Merry in the house, she had always hovered over her shoulder, telling her about syntax errors here and incorrect variables there. Without her, it kind of felt like she was floundering in a sea too deep for her, with no chance of seeing the shore. It felt like that all the time, not just when she tried to program, but she felt it especially badly when she looked at a psychology textbook or a command window. Something that should have been there wasn’t, and it carved a hole into her heart. 

And as if to deepen the blow, she couldn’t tell anyone about what she suspected really happened. Not Merry’s parents. Not the professors. Nobody. And now she was getting another panicked text message from Merry’s mother.

[elise_hearn] Are you sure that nobody’s seen Maribel around? I asked her professor, and they said they had seen a blonde girl wearing a mobcap near the psychology department. Has she shown up at your apartment at all?  
[elise_hearn] I’m so sorry to bother you with all this. You were Maribel’s roommate, after all. I’m sure this must be emotional for you as well.

Other things that deepened the blow: Nobody knew that she and Merry had been dating. Her parents had assumed that the two were just housemates, nothing especially special to each other. It made her feel ten thousand times worse when people just assumed she and Merry hadn’t been close. They had been together for a few years, and just because they hadn’t said anything specifically, everyone assumed that she and Merry just rented together.

[usamimi] No, I haven’t seen her, I’m afraid. If I had, I would have called straightaway. I know you two must be worried out of your minds.

Merry’s parents hadn’t visited her since they moved back to Britain at the end of her sophomore year. She doubted they were too worried.

[usamimi] And thank you. I do miss her terribly.

That was an understatement. She was reminded of Merry in every little thing she saw. Even her current screen name had been a pun from Merry. But she didn’t want to change it. If she did, she was worried that she’d forget. She never wanted to forget those happy times with Merry, even if every time she remembered them made her heart ache. At least she had their club records for each and every supernatural encounter the two experienced. She’d never forget those, not even if they weren’t backed up on her bunny flash drive. And she’d always have that violet sunset she’d painted in her room for Merry’s and her first anniversary. It still didn’t feel like it was just her room, though. 

Merry’s presence still made itself known, in tiny little ways. The calendar with the week of finals circled in mauve glitter gel pen, labeled “Eternal Screaming Into The Void”, the alarm clock that was ritually put on snooze every morning, making it practically useless as Merry rushed to class, bonnet half falling off her head as they desperately ran to catch the bus (Renko always had to wake her up in the morning or she’d end up sleeping until noon), the laptop that had had so many adjustments made to it Renko sometimes wondered if what it ran still qualified as Windows, and countless other things.

As she thought about Merry’s presence, a thought occurred to her. Merry’s mother had mentioned a blonde girl in a mobcap near the psychology wing, right? If it wasn’t Merry, who could it be? She decided to ask Mrs. Hearn about which professor she had talked to. It couldn’t hurt to have a few more clues than simply “Merry’s gone missing, and she’s probably in another world, perhaps in a different time, and possibly dead.”

[usamimi] Which professor mentioned the blonde girl in the mobcap? Do you know their name, by any chance?

Her formal writing always seemed stiffer than her back after sitting up all night to write an assignment. 

[elise_hearn] Oh, that would be Professor Koizumi! He was very polite about the whole thing, as well. I believe he teaches senior-level general psychology?

Professors went by their given names here to help maintain an “aura of friendliness around campus”. Unfortunately, all it accomplished was to confuse people who had professors with the same first name, and to cause everyone else to have to specify which “Yuichirou” they meant by what classes they taught. It was a pain. But Renko had other things on her mind than the fallacies of her university’s naming system; who was that mystery girl? Was it really Merry? And if so, why hadn’t she shown up at their apartment in so long?


	4. Chapter 4

Frankly, Professor Koizumi was no help. He just said he had seen a blonde girl wandering around the psychology wing a few days ago, seemingly contemplating something, and that she wore a mobcap similar to Merry’s. She also had apparently been wearing a violet dress, for another point in the “She Was Probably Merry” Pile. Yet, she hadn’t shown up at their apartment at all. Not that she would be able to get in without her keys, but she easily could have knocked at their door. It made no sense, whichever way you looked at it. What would she have been contemplating, anyway? How she was going to fail all her psychology courses if she kept this up? 

Or maybe she had been lost in thought more literally, as in trapped in her visions. Renko didn’t know. She decided that if Merry had been seen, she should do what she did for the first few weeks following her disappearance. Go visit all their favorite places, see if she was there or she had been seen there, and then go home and stare at the ceiling for a few hours while she blamed Merry’s disappearance on herself not coming to check on her earlier, because Renko was sure if she had, she would have been able to stop her vision, or go with her to her other world, or do SOMETHING to help her. There just had to be something. 

The Satellite Cafe was the first place on her list. The two had come there often, because the atmosphere of space reminded them of the unknown things that they were investigating. Nobody had seen anyone who was blonde and wearing a mobcap, however. She stayed there for an hour or so, just in case Merry showed up and she could ask her what on earth she’d been doing for the past ten weeks. Honestly, if she did find her, she would give her the longest lecture of her life before a giant hug. She had some explaining to do.

Next, she went to the only used bookstore in town, the place where the pair had found all of their books on the occult. Still nothing, though the owner said that she did get quite a few unusual characters in her store once in a while. But no Merry. 

After that, she took a quick stop back at their apartment and grabbed her umbrella, then spent the ridiculous amount of money it took to take a cab to the graveyard they had visited on their first day investigating another world. It was getting late, but that wasn’t a problem for Renko. She had done stakeouts far later than this before, though they had always been with… Merry. But she was fine. She knew this graveyard. 

She stayed there for two hours before going back to town, going to the last possible place Merry could be. The university courtyard where she had waited expectantly for Merry’s “surprise”, only to discover that the surprise was Merry disappearing for months on end with no news of her anywhere around Kyoto. Or anywhere for that matter. It was like she had vanished into a void in the fabric of the universe, even though that broke every law of physics Renko knew. But, then again, this was Merry. She probably broke the laws of physics sixteen times before breakfast without breaking a sweat. As Renko arrived in the courtyard, she felt something odd. It wasn’t the grief she had been feeling for the past few months. In fact, it felt more like what she had felt at that graveyard all the way back three years ago. A distinct feeling of anticipation. But nobody was there, except for the odd exhausted university student that Renko had no way of knowing.

She returned to her apartment. If there was nobody in the courtyard, that meant she had to go home and do her ritual of staring at the ceiling and self-blaming. Then repeat the cycle again tomorrow, as soon as classes ended. She opened the door, sighed, and then turned to put her umbrella in its stand. But as soon as she did, she noticed something. 

Sitting in the stand, where it hadn’t been for months, was a pale pink umbrella.


	5. Chapter 5

Renko rushed up the stairs from the entryway, with more questions in her head than there ever had been. It was the same umbrella, the one Merry had always used, the one she always returned to its stand. But how could she have gotten in? The door had been locked, the keys were on the desk in the entryway, having not moved from their spot at all; how could anyone have come inside? She had a lot of questions to ask. She slammed open the door to the kitchen, confused beyond belief- and found Maribel Hearn sitting at the table, drinking tea and looking at a book.

Or, was it Maribel? It certainly seemed to be- a blonde girl around college age, sitting in the same relaxed position as always, like she knew that her odd fashion sense that seemed to fit more in the 1800s than the 2100s only added to her charm instead of making her stick out like a sore thumb. The same mysterious demeanor, too- as if she could see a secret that you couldn’t think of knowing. Well, Renko supposed that she could, really. If other worlds weren’t a secret, she couldn’t think of what would qualify for one. That was Merry, and she was here. Renko could be sure about that.

But there were things about this person that weren’t quite Merry either. Merry didn’t smile like that, like she was sure she was superior to everyone in the vicinity. Merry’s hair wasn’t that long, either, and it couldn’t possibly have grown three feet in two and a half months. Renko was quite sure that Merry hadn’t owned a dress quite like that, either. And didn’t she prefer coffee to tea? Or was she misremembering? The biggest facets of Merry’s personality had been engraved into her mind, and her general demeanor, but she could have forgotten all the little things over the past few months. A new wave of guilt washed over her. How could she have forgotten anything about Merry?

Well, might as well get on with those five thousand questions she had to ask. After all, it had been months. They were certain to have some catching up to do. “Merry- you are Merry, correct? What have you been doing for the past ten weeks, and why did you think it was unnecessary to tell your girlfriend anything about it whatsoever? You’d better have a very good explanation for this!” Okay, maybe she went a little overboard with the sternness. She could apologize later. Right now, she needed to know what had been happening, and why she hadn’t known anything about it.

Merry unconcernedly looked up from her book and patted the chair beside her. “Please, Renko dear, take a seat and let me explain what has been going on. I’m sure you’re very confused, but I’m afraid being angry will only make it more difficult for me to say what I need to.” Renko took the seat, absentmindedly noting that Merry’s style of speech had changed as well. In fact, the tone she took was almost patronizing. She continued with her speech, not seeming to notice Renko’s look of confusion. “I understand that I’ve been missing for a few months. Please understand that that was not by choice, as frankly, quite a few things have happened and I was rather busy. However, you have my cordial permission to punch me in the face for not showing up to explain things to you earlier. The thing is, I wasn’t quite sure how you would react.”

Renko was quite sure of how she would react- with unconditional love, no matter what. If Merry had just explained whatever it was a few months ago, they wouldn’t have had to go through all this trouble trying to find her- wait, her parents must be worried out of their minds! She had to text them and tell them Merry was okay! She reached into her pocket for her phone- and found nothing, then noticed it was all the way over by Merry’s left. How had it gotten there? Oh well, contacting the Hearns could wait until the explanation was over. “Go on.”

Merry hesitated for a moment before continuing. “You know about the thing with my powers intensifying and me becoming more able to control them, right?” 

“Merry, I don’t like where this is going.”

“I may have wanted to show you something I had recently learned how to do, and possibly overestimated my control a tiny bit.”

Renko really didn’t like where this was going. “What did you do.”

“I may have created a rift in the universe, sending myself back about five thousand years in time. I did stay around the same area, though, so that’s good! Not so fortunately, ...other things happened. Those other things were the reason why I was hesitant to approach you at all, and why I stopped you from telling anyone I was here.”

Renko was now extremely confused. If she had gone back in time, had she managed to come back voluntarily? If so, that would be great, and they could go back to living life like normal. But what were these “other things”, and why did they cause Merry to go to such lengths to hide that she was here? For, obviously, it had been her hanging around campus those few days ago.  
“What other things? And why would they cause you to be hesitant about talking to me?”

“Renko, I didn’t ever manage to travel back through time. I’ve been living through all of the years since then.”


	6. Chapter 6

What on earth did she mean? It was impossible for anyone to live for five thousand years, at least with the medical technology of that long ago. She was reasonably sure it would be possible today, were it not for the laws against it. But how had Merry done it? Especially since the places she went to didn’t tend to be the most friendly to humans. What could she have done to manage that length of life? Humans couldn’t live that long, no matter what unusual powers they had. “Er… How did you manage that? It seems impossible, from my perspective at least.”

Merry now looked very uncomfortable. She decided to look out the window for a few minutes before replying. “It is.” She still wasn’t looking at Renko. “But I specialize in the impossible. It’s only natural that I’d go further into the realm of impossibility eventually, isn’t it?”

Speaking in riddles again. What did she mean by further into the realm of impossibility? Granted, her powers were practically impossible to understand, and physics couldn’t explain random disappearances and being able to bring things back from other worlds, but that was normal for Merry. If something went “further into the realm of impossibility”, it was probably something that even Merry couldn’t have understood. Or was that supposed to be ironic? Renko didn’t know. “What do you mean by impossibility? Considering your ability, practically anything is a possibility. At least, if you can control it.”

“Indeed, practically anything is possible. But just because something is possible doesn’t mean you can expect it. What happened was simply one of those things that no one could have predicted, unless they had a knowledge of the laws of the universe far beyond what we have today and a good amount of foresight. What you said about the impossibility of humans living for thousands of years holds no reasonable logical fallacy. But if someone stops being human, they aren’t really bound by that type of logic anymore, correct? They don’t need to follow common sense.” Merry’s smile had reappeared after its short hiatus. “So, I suppose you could say I stopped making sense. Is this conversation making any sense?”

Of course it wasn’t making sense. What kind of an answer was that? The only thing that Renko could gather from it was the fact that Merry had done something she hadn’t thought through. But what did she say about common sense? Something about non-human beings not needing it? Renko sneaked a quick glance at Merry, just in case something had changed in the past minute. Nope, she was still sitting with a look of mild interest on her face and an empty teacup in front of her. “Uh, did you mention something about stopping being human? Because I think that that’s rather important information in this conversation.”

“I do think it would be rather important, yes. And I did mention something to that effect.”  
Merry got up to refill her teacup. Come to think of it, did they have a teakettle before that day? Renko couldn’t remember. “You’re taking this surprisingly well, actually.”

Renko was only taking it so well because she was horrendously confused. How does one just stop being human? It’s not a thing people tend to do. “I’m only taking this so well because I’m having difficulties understanding exactly what’s happened. Okay, so you’re not human anymore, even though you look almost exactly the same save for gaining a few inches in height. If so, what exactly are you?”

Merry meticulously poured her tea before replying. “You know that saying about ‘he who hunts monsters’? Replace that with ‘she who is hunted by monsters’ and you end up with my current situation. To clarify, I am now a youkai, and have been for quite some time. Would you like some tea?”

Renko took a minute to process this information. She didn’t particularly want tea, but the revelation that there was a youkai who had formerly been her best friend in the house made her consider politeness far more important than the fact that she wasn’t as fond of tea as Merry apparently was. “I… do we have sugar? I’m going to need a bit of time to come to terms with this information. If we do have sugar I would love some tea.” Merry certainly was different from the other youkai the two had encountered. They had been more “attack first, ask questions later” types, while she was perfectly capable of carrying on a conversation, albeit a rather mysterious conversation. Maybe that was just because they’d known each other previously, though. All of these thoughts were putting Renko on edge. She supposed she should probably continue the conversation as opposed to sitting there with her mouth open like a fish. “Um, so what have you been doing for the past few millennia?” That was a stupid question, why did she ask that question, how do you condense thousands of years into a stupid conversation- She was interrupted by Merry’s reply. “Well, changing my name, figuring out all the things my ability can do, invading the moon, creating a sealed realm to save all youkai from disappearing, those kinds of things. What have you been doing for the past couple of months?”

“Changing your name? Anyway, I haven’t been doing much. I’ve been studying for exams, trying to help look for you, and I can now easily see why that was unsuccessful, trying to rent this apartment on my salary alone-” “Sorry-” “It’s fine. Anyway, I did have one more question for you. What was that surprise you had planned for our meeting a couple of months ago? It’s fine if you don’t remember. It has been a few millennia for you, after all.” Merry scrunched up her face for a few seconds before replying. “Ah, what was it again? I think I had wanted to show you something- That’s it! I had wanted to arrive by gap! I’d wanted to show you how I’d been able to change the boundary of here and there, connecting two places at once.” To demonstrate, Merry traced a line in the air. Immediately after, a tear in the fabric of reality appeared right where she had traced her hand, and then another over by the bowl of sugar cubes. The tear was filled with hundreds of unblinking eyes, and would have been terrifying if it didn’t have a cute red ribbon on each end. As it was, it was still rather unsettling. “Two cubes of sugar or one?” Merry was looking at her with that smile again. “...Two, please?” Merry then reached her hand into the rip in the fabric of the universe- and it appeared on the other side and picked up a pair of sugar cubes. She then withdrew her hand and dropped them into Renko’s tea. “Be sure to stir well, sweetie. It’s awful when the sugar all settles to the bottom. Anyway, you asked about me changing my name? As for why, trying to translate my name into katakana is irritating, and I felt like I wasn’t really Maribel anymore if I wasn’t an awkward college student studying psychology and investigating the occult with my dear Renko. You can’t really be an occult investigator if you’re part of the occult, I’ve found. It just seems to be something that’s normal to understand. So I decided to name myself after both my favorite color and the color that’s the boundary between the rainbow and the sky. Yukari!”

She stood up from her seat then, saying “It’s almost two in the morning for you, so I need to get home to explain where I’ve gone and you need to get some rest. You’ve had quite the day, now haven’t you? I’ll return tomorrow though, no need to worry! See you, Renko~” And with that she opened another gap in the universe and stepped through it. Renko sat there, at 1:49:51 in the morning, sipping her tea, and wondered whether she was having a very odd dream or if this madness was actually plausible. Ah well, she’d find out tomorrow.


	7. Chapter 7

It was tomorrow. And, as far as Renko could see, everything was exactly the same as it had been for the past few months. No umbrella in the stand, besides her own. No half finished psychology assignments, no note left on the table, and the alarm clock was distinctly not on snooze. She sat down at the table, considering the fact that she had seemed to have a dream about Merry’s return- or, she supposed, Yukari’s, since that’s apparently what she had chosen to be called in the dream. But it was very strange, indeed. What must she have been thinking of, to have a dream like that?

Then, her phone buzzed.

[merryberry] Hey, I apologize for leaving so unexpectedly last night. You see, Ran would have been terribly worried had I disappeared with no notice in the middle of spring.  
[usamimi] …  
[usamimi] That wasn’t a sleep-deprivation induced dream? And how do you have your tablet, anyway? I thought you didn’t take it with you when you left.  
[merryberry] ~Maaaaaaagic~  
[merryberry] On a different note, you should probably get to class. I’ll meet you again afterwards and explain some more things, I suppose.  
[usamimi] Now hold on.  
[usamimi] You are perfectly capable of explaining all this right now!  
[merryberry] But I have to go to sleep~  
[usamimi] YUKARI!  
[merryberry] Fine, one question. Go for it.  
[usamimi] Where the hell have you been living?  
[merryberry] Somewhere that is quite near the exact middle of nowhere. It just sort of ended up that way, I suppose. Anyway, it’s eight-thirty. Go to class.  
[usamimi] Have you trademarked mysterious half-answers?  
[usamimi] Don’t you dare answer that.  
[usamimi] Anyway, see you this afternoon.  
[merryberry] Au revoir!

Renko shut off her phone and sighed. She wasn’t even going to ask who Ran was, because she was sure that she’d get a trademark half-answer for it. When had her life conspired within itself to make everything so weird? Her girlfriend was back, in a way, but they couldn’t really go back to the way they were. Everything felt different, like she’d crossed a boundary into another world or something. But she hadn’t, of course. Kyoto was still the same city as it always had been, albeit with a few new construction projects every few months. The only one who had crossed a border was Merry. And that had been so long ago for her, too. Renko was amazed that she could even remember her for that long. But she could, and now she was here again, to fill the hole in Renko’s heart that she had caused in the first place. It would take a while to get used to, she supposed, not even thinking of all the other implications a transformation of that size would bring with it. All that mattered at the time was the fact that Merry was back. Now, she needed to go catch a bus. Physics wasn’t going to learn itself.

 

Yukari sighed. Sitting on top of a skyscraper was normally a lovely experience for her, but with these thoughts forming countless clouds in her mind, she just couldn’t enjoy the morning. What had she been thinking, going to talk to Renko at that time of night? The only thing she had most probably done was give her a scare, which, while normally interesting, really hadn’t been what she had had in mind. She had just gotten up, she wasn’t thinking straight, and now she would pay the price. At least, if she didn’t find some way to make it up to Renko, immediately. A gift, perhaps? What had Renko liked in the way of gifts in the past? And what could she give that wouldn’t give off the wrong impression? She tapped a white-gloved hand to her chin, deep in thought. For all her flirting, she still wasn’t quite used to long-term relationships.

Wait, that was it! She could get Renko some gloves! It was still chilly in early spring, after all. And with Renko’s tendency to disregard the weather in her absentmindedness, gloves would be a welcome addition. They could match, too! But should she get the gloves now, or when she woke up in the evening? The shops around there would be closed then, but she didn’t do much of her shopping there anyway. But, then again, since Renko bought most of her clothes around there, wouldn’t things from there be more likely to fit with her outfits?

She was snapped out of her reverie by someone knocking on the window behind her. Really, was it nine already? Or were they just here early today? Either way, she should probably vacate the area before anyone started asking questions like “Why are you sitting on a windowsill a hundred stories from the ground?”   
Though, if she vacated the area in her usual way, there would be even more questions… But luckily, she wouldn’t have to be there to answer them! With this decision, she promptly jumped off the windowsill and into one of her gaps. They’d be sure to wonder about what they’d seen for days… But for now, she was going to go home and sleep. She’d had a long night.


	8. Chapter 8

Four in the afternoon, and Renko was finally heading home from her classes. Exams were in two weeks, which might be a slight issue thanks to all the happenings that were happening at the moment. If Merry- _Yukari-_ did show up later today, she’d better show up before ten at night. Renko couldn’t keep up a schedule of going to sleep at two in the morning and expect not to flunk out of all her classes. And since she was studying in a supposedly dead field, she’d still have loans to pay even if she failed! Aaagh, just thinking about it was making her nervous. But she didn’t have time to be nervous! She had to finish her work before Yukari showed up, or Yukari would end up making herself the center of attention that she always did, and ruin any chance whatsoever the poor university student had of getting anything done… 

Oh dear. While Renko had been worrying, the bus had passed her right by. Seems like she’d have even less time this evening, and a new bus driver to deal with as well. But what would this evening be like, anyway? Last night had been barely anything but an explanation for why Merry had been gone for so long, and a bit of a reunion as well. What would they even talk about? Renko was pretty sure that someone’s tastes would change a bit in a few millenia, so she couldn’t rely on anything she already knew to make conversation of. Well, she still had a lot of questions… Where did she live, really? Did she have a job, and if so, what was it? Were there more places with youkai in them, and if so, had she visited them? Had she visited anywhere else in the world, and where was her favorite place she’d visited if she had? What kind of friends had she made? 

...What kind of person was she, really? There was so much Renko didn’t know, and it still whirled around in her head as she boarded the bus. To her, it had been a few months, and nobody could have changed so much over a few months, but it really hadn’t been that short a time, and who knew what becoming a youkai did to your personality. So many questions, and such a short amount of time to get answers. At least, she assumed it would be a short time, seeing as it had been two hours last night and she couldn’t sustain a schedule like that. But then again, who knew? It was practically impossible to predict someone like that.

 

What becoming a youkai did to your personality, apparently, was make you unable to decide on what kind of gloves to buy your girlfriend after getting up at what would be equivalent to three A.M. for you. Standing in a boutique in Paris at ten in the morning, Yukari was frankly baffled that they didn’t carry anything simple. If the gloves that a shop carries don’t go with a plain white dress shirt, what kind of a shop is it, anyway? She left in a huff, ignoring the lovely scenery near her in favor of sulking about the fact that everything was, and she never thought she would have said this, _too_ frilly. There was, unlike what she had previously thought, such a thing. As she walked down the street, she wondered if she’d made a poor choice by coming to the center of high fashion.   
After all, high fashion was not necessarily high function. And there she was, at the end of the street with nothing to show for it but a frown. If it was so difficult to find gloves, perhaps she’d have to make them herself! ...Is what she first thought, before she noticed the last shop on the row. She hadn’t seen it at all at first, probably because everything in it seemed so simple. Yet that was perfect for what Renko wore! She didn’t care too much for fashion, unless it was both pretty and functional, so it had been difficult to buy her things before, Yukari remembered. But as she walked in, she could tell that she had finally found what she was looking for. A pair of white gloves, much like her own, made out of soft silk. Simple enough that they wouldn’t clash horribly with whatever Renko was wearing that day, but detailed enough that they didn’t look plain.

As she went to ring them up, her thoughts drifted back to Renko, and whatever she was doing. Wasn’t she done with classes by now? She was probably expecting Yukari to show up any minute now. And Yukari certainly would, as soon as she found a quiet place to disappear from. It wouldn’t do to be on the news twice in one day, after all. And thousands of miles apart, as well… that would be sure to cause questions. So it would be prudent to not do any more jumping off of buildings today. She picked up the box with the gloves in it, daydreaming the whole time, and almost attempted to pay in yen instead of euros. As she walked out of the store, she thought of Renko’s dark eyes, nearly the color of the cosmos she so loved, and wondered how she’d gone so long waiting to meet her again. She had been lonely, yes, but it had faded a bit as she made new friends and found ways to occupy herself that didn’t involve pining for somebody that didn’t even exist yet.

But now she was wondering how she had lived without her. She’d been lost for a while, hadn’t she? And she’d been scared. It wasn’t as if she had anyone to turn to in regards to her nightmares when she was living them. But hadn’t she tried to talk to anyone? Ahh, it was all a haze now, after all. The only things she remembered from so long ago were the truly important bits, like her memories with Renko and… that day. _Not_ remembering that, no sir. Not something that she wanted ruining her day today! 

As Yukari pointedly didn’t remember, she arrived at the place she had been aiming for. A secluded woodland trail, at eleven in the morning on a weekday? Perfect for not being seen in! And she’d be able to meet Renko promptly at six-ish. She ripped open a tear in the universe, something that most people would consider a slightly apocalyptic event, and casually walked from Paris, France to Renko Usami’s apartment in Kyoto in approximately three seconds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry for not updating for a while, as Things have happened, and I haven't really been in a state to write anything for a couple weeks.


	9. Chapter 9

Renko wasn’t normally one to actually manage to focus on her work. However, tonight she had feverishly focused on finishing it all up quickly, in case Yukari showed up before the dead of night or something. Which, from the odd noise in the other room, she appeared to have done. 

“Renkooo~! Guess what I got you!” the youkai said, emerging from the kitchen holding a small ribbon-wrapped box. “I wanted to apologize for visiting so late last night, so I thought you might like a present.”

Renko wondered why Yukari couldn’t just use the door like a normal person, and then remembered that she wasn’t a normal person. “How are you, and you really didn’t have to do that. I didn’t get much less sleep than I normally do anyway, and seeing that you were okay definitely made it worth it.” Okay... in a sense. Perfectly fine physically, but a completely different person from the one Renko had known. Or was she just forgetting? Merry as Renko had remembered her… who was she? Merry had been quirky at times, often lost in thought, always willing to listen to what Renko had to say. She had always seemed to be more than met the eye, but Renko simply attributed that to her ability. It wasn’t as if she looked like suspiciousness wearing a dress, unlike the “Merry” that stood before her now. But was Renko just trying to convince herself that Merry had changed? She _had_ always been mysterious. Would it be entirely inconceivable for Renko to simply have not noticed?

“Renko? Hellooooo, Renko? You seem to be staring into space again. And while I do know you love it, space isn’t exactly the best conversational partner. So what’s on your mind?”

Yukari was looking at her with an odd expression on her face. Renko would have called it worry, except that didn’t quite encompass what it seemed she was feeling. It almost seemed like barely concealed panic… but why would someone like her be panicking? Renko couldn’t quite understand. Hadn’t Yukari waited for ages just to meet her again? Shouldn’t she be happy beyond belief?

Renko stopped herself from going into another long series of questions in her mind, and wondered what she should answer. It wasn’t like she could just say _“I’ve just been wondering, what kind of person are you really?”_ Or… could she? It made perfect sense to ask what someone was like now after not seeing them for a while. Renko just needed to phrase it correctly. “Ah, sorry about that. I was just thinking about how we haven’t talked about what we’re actually like nowadays, since yesterday you left before I could mention interests and things. So, what do you like to do? You know, for fun?” 

 

Yukari breathed a sigh of relief. So Renko wasn’t actually terrified of her after all. When she had seen her start to stare into the distance, she had worried that she had done something wrong. But apparently, Renko just wanted to know more about her! She didn’t want to ruin this. Not after waiting so long just to see her again. Renko had always been there for her, so now she needed to be there for her too. 

So, she would happily answer Renko’s question, albeit omitting the parts that she thought Renko might find distasteful. “I’m still interested in relative psychology, as learning to find out what someone’s like from just a little snippet of conversation is fairly interesting.” She’d never been able to understand Renko, though. Odd how that had worked out. “I also gained a bit of an interest in physics, which mixed with magic makes for quite an interesting field of study.” It tended to contradict itself a lot, but that was part of its charm. “And of course, I kept learning how to program, though in a bit more of an unorthodox way, seeing as computers like the ones that are used today were only invented around two hundred years ago. And I really do like traveling! I mean, my ability makes it easier, but exploring is such an interesting time.” Even with as long as she’d had, she was nowhere near visiting everywhere she had wanted to go. “Investigating the universe, with all its nonsense, I suppose. That might be a concise way to sum my interests up. So, what interests you?” With all her meddling cut out, Yukari thought, she probably sounded surprisingly bland. 

Renko appeared to be staring into space again, and Yukari wondered if she’d done something wrong. She was sure she hadn’t mentioned anything out of the ordinary. So, why didn’t Renko say anything?

“Ah, sorry. I was spacing out again, huh? Well, I have to say that your list of interests doesn’t sound too different from what it used to be. You really didn’t pick anything else up in that much time?”

Yukari had, but she sure as hell was not going to share it. How does one tell their very much human girlfriend about the implications of becoming a youkai? If it was to be brought up at all, it would have to be in a very long time. And her constant bothering of those who she cared about- and quite a bit of that for those who she didn’t, either- sort of painted her in a bad light too. She had brought up invading the moon before, but no specifics on it. For example, the slightly important fact that she had abandoned the invasion halfway through, essentially dooming it to fail and kill all those who she had brought to the moon with her. Considering her past, Yukari had reason to worry about bringing any of it up to Renko.

“Not particularly. I suppose I am a bit boring, hm?” Yukari giggled, but felt strangled inside. She had no courage, huh? Where it actually mattered, anyway. What did it matter if she could face anyone in a duel and feel no fear? Of course she didn’t feel any fear! She couldn’t be harmed! But as soon as something with actual consequences showed up, she just turned into jelly. Why was she like this? She had never been this afraid before. Well, except for that one day. And if she was to be able to confront her present, she would need to face her past first, and examine the course of events that led her to be who she was today. She couldn’t not remember anymore. And with this, she lapsed into a memory she had hidden from for eons.


	10. Chapter 10

“Over here! I think it ran over here!”

“Who knows what it could be up to, honestly. You can’t predict anything they do.”

“Well, one thing you can predict is that they’re always a boatload of trouble. D’you think we should get the shrine maiden?”

“Nah, I think we’re more than capable of handling this. It’s just one. Alright, you two, check the trees to the direct north and south. I’m gonna check over here.”

_Please don’t check those bushes, please, she hadn’t done anything wrong, she didn’t know why they’d started yelling as soon as she entered the village, she’d just wanted somewhere to rest, was that too much to ask? They were humans, right? She was just like them. Why were they chasing her? Didn’t they know she was human, too?_

“Nothing up to the north. Do ya think it ran back to the village?” 

“Nah, it wouldn’t do that. Youkai are smart, ya know. It wouldn’t run back to the place it was chased from. But why do ya think it just came into the village like that? Seemed like it thought it would be fine. Ya think it’s a fox or tanuki or something that just doesn’t know how normal humans look?”

_I am a human, you idiots! If you had let me get a word out before you started shouting and attacking me, maybe you would have realized that!_

“Yeah, maybe. What kinda human has golden hair and eyes, anyway? None that I know of. Maybe it just went for the basic features? Ah well, we’ve gotta exterminate it either way. Anything to the south?”

_She shifted deeper into the bushes. If they didn’t see her, everything would be fine. She’d get to see Renko again, as long as she didn’t panic and forget what her time felt like. Panicking would be the death of her._

“Doesn’t seem like it. Whenever you finish checking out the clearing, we can head home. If you find it, that is. If you don’t we’ll probably have to keep a vigil all night so the elders don’t cause a fuss. Pain in the ass if you ask me, but I guess it is our job.”

_You’re terrible at your jobs, then. Actually identify what your target is before chucking sealing needles at her, please!_

“Yeah, getting assigned jobs is kinda a pain, but unless we want the village torn down by youkai in half a week, somebody has to do it.”

_Don’t you dare move any closer to those bushes, you half-baked youkai exterminating teenager._

“Couldn’t the shrine maiden do it, though? I mean, she can fly and all that. Should be pretty easy for her to get a bird’s eye view of the problem and exterminate it.”

“Ah, come on, you know she can’t be everywhere at once! Now hurry up and finish searching the clearing. It’s getting dark, and it’s gonna be a full moon night. And ya know what that means- we’re not getting to sleep till dawn unless we finish this soon, ‘cause I’m not gonna stay in the middle of the woods when youkai are at their strongest.”

_Should she run? If she did, either they or the youkai would catch up to her eventually. But with the way these humans were acting, she’d probably prefer the youkai. She was pretty deep in the bushes, though. Would she be able to run in time?_

_She probably could. It wasn’t as if she was running from supernatural beings, now was it?_

“Have you checked those bushes yet?”

“Shut up! I’m getting to it! I don’t need a fairy hovering over my shoulder, thanks!”

_Now was her chance._

_She should just run, and leave them alone. If they followed her, then she could fight._

_But why shouldn’t she fight now? She had the advantage, didn’t she? So what if there were three of them? She could manipulate the boundaries of the universe! Who did they think they were messing with, anyway? Idiots._

_Wait, why would she do that? It would make more sense to run away now and get back home to Renko. But where was home? She couldn’t feel it anymore. Why couldn’t she feel it anymore?_

_Renko needed her. She needed to get back, and these people were getting in her way. She needed to get back before it got too dark. If it got too dark and she had no way back, she would be dead. But these stupid children were standing in her way. She’d just have to get rid of them, then. No problems. She’d get back to Renko, and everything would be fine. Everything would be perfectly fine._

“Huh? Looks like we found our culprit. Sitting right in the bushes, too. Can you all come over here for a second?”

_They wouldn’t have a second._

_She leaped out of the bushes, tackling the person who had been talking last. If they were trying to kill her, she’d just have to get the jump on them, huh?_

_Wait, this was wrong, it was all wrong. It was wrong to attack people. She should just explain._

_But why? Why should she explain? If she got hit,she would die. She knew it. And they hadn’t listened to her the first time, why would they now?_

_Besides… fighting felt so good._

_And if she hesitated anymore, she’d be killed, wouldn’t she? She dimly heard shouting from behind her, but paid no attention to it. If it wasn’t directly harming her, it could wait._

“Damn it! Get off him, get off, you damn youkai! I knew you were just lying in wait while we were looking for you, I knew it!”

_A sharp pain in her back caused her to spin around and blindly claw at its source. Had she been lying in wait? She didn’t know. All she knew is that these people were an issue, and she needed to get rid of them, now._

“We’re almost out of needles! We should fall back, we underestimated it, we need to go.”

_And deprive her of her revenge? They had tried to kill her, she wasn’t going to let them go that easily. She leapt across the clearing easily, and swiped at air. But where her hand traveled, a crack in the world followed. Gripping onto the crack, she dragged herself into it, and in the space between worlds, swiped at air again and opened another crack right behind the two. They never saw her coming, huh. How could anyone be so stupid?_

…

After that, she blacked out. Then dragged herself to a deeper part of the woods, then blacked out again. When she woke up from that, the sun was rising, and she felt so tired for some reason. She needed to find a safe place to rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do not try this at home. Becoming a youkai may result in the deaths of family members, loved ones, etc.
> 
> As a side note, if she had been welcomed into the village, she probably wouldn't have changed so quickly. However, if someone is believed to be a youkai, it is often a self-fulfilling prophecy.


	11. Chapter 11

That memory.

 

That had been what she was afraid of.

 

It proved exactly what kind of being she was, and why she hid from it.

 

She feared Renko finding out what she really was, and being disgusted and terrified.

 

After all, it is in a youkai’s nature to attack humans.

 

What stopped her from attacking, even killing, Renko?

 

Yukari would have said love, yet she knew that even her strongest emotions could be overridden by anger and hatred.

 

The only thing that stopped her, she supposed, was the fact that Renko was part of who she was.

 

Had they not created the Sealing Club together, her powers would never have had an opportunity to flourish. She would have hidden them from the world. But Renko gave her one piece of advice, one that would stick with her for millennia like she’d heard it just a few minutes ago.

 

“Make your dreams your reality.”

 

With that one phrase, Yukari’s- rather, Maribel’s, at the time- world had opened up. She didn’t need to fear her powers any longer! Why should she have kept a gift that gave her the power to merge dreams and reality a secret? It was hers, and it finally gave her a place to belong. She belonged in the Sealing Club, solving the mysteries of the universe with her beloved Renko.

 

Or she had. When she’d been sent to the past, she had lost all that. Lost the one person who cared about her, lost the control over her powers she’d been gaining, and finally lost her humanity.

 

And she’d come back to the future thinking they could just continue on with life as normal? What a joke. As if she and Renko could just keep going with their relationship, with Renko in the dark over how much she’d changed. But she couldn’t just say anything, either. If she did, then she knew for certain Renko would hate her. Maybe she should just leave. Just say that she had to attend to something, and never darken that wonderful, sweet, kind girl’s doorstep again.  
She couldn’t. Who was she kidding? 

 

Renko meant everything to her. She had been Yukari’s reason to live in the dark days following her youkai transformation, her reason to live through the sealing needles piercing her back, her reason to get back out of the past alive, no matter the cost. She just couldn’t abandon her. 

 

And not abandoning her left the youkai exactly one choice, and it wasn’t an easy one.

 

She would have to tell Renko everything.

 

The pros and cons of becoming a youkai, both to the person changed and to those around them. 

 

What she had plotted in the past, and how she didn’t regret any of the damage she had done.

 

How her morals had changed, making her dark humor a toss-up between a joke and truth. 

 

Essentially, she had to tell Renko all the things that she feared Renko would hate her for.

 

An act of bravery, she thought, the likes of which hadn’t been seen in eons.

 

Yukari stood up.

 

“Renko. I’m afraid I haven’t been completely honest with you. I am so, so sorry. I’m also sorry for what I’m about to say, because I know you’ll hate me for it. But that’s all right. This is one of the few times where it’s better to be hated and truthful than loved and a liar.”

 

Renko didn’t know what Yukari was about to say, but she was sure it wasn’t good. She hoped, desperately, that what Yukari hadn’t been honest about was not her love for her.

 

It looked difficult for Yukari to speak as she said, “Youkai aren’t just ‘weird humans’, like it might have seemed with our past few meetings. If I must be brutally honest, youkai were, and still are, the greatest enemy of humanity. And I’m not an exception to that rule. I’ve killed many humans, Renko. Simply because it’s in my nature as a youkai. Our morals differ from yours, and in such important ways that many have said that it’s impossible to reconcile them. Just because something is in a type of creature’s ‘nature’ doesn’t mean humans have to excuse it. Look at wolves, for example. Nearly hunted to extinction for the crime of attacking humans. I wonder what the people of today would do if they knew about youkai? They certainly wouldn’t leave us be. So why should you have to trust something like me, especially after I’ve been hiding from you and lying to you for months? To be truthful, it would be perfectly within your rights to hate me. In fact, that’s what would be logical for you to do. But if you don’t hate me, Renko, I need you to understand that humans and youkai are separate kinds of beings, and differences between the two are to be expected.”  
Renko simply sat there. She couldn’t think of the right words to say, to comfort Yukari or to portray her own feelings. But one thing was certain.

 

“Yukari. I need you to listen to me, now. I couldn’t hate you. No matter how much you’ve changed, no matter what kind of ‘monster’ you are. I love you for who you are, because I know that the life of the universe wouldn’t be enough time to change that.”

 

“And one other thing: I know. I know what youkai are like, and I suppose a tiny part of me hoped that you were different. But the rest of me knew exactly what you are, and I suppose I shouldn’t have ignored it for so long. We both have a lot of things to apologize for. That is one of mine.”

 

Renko rose from her seat, and, wiping messy tears from her eyes, walked across the room to where Yukari was standing, facing the wall, and hugged her, hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was one heck of a chapter to write. I got writer's block about five times, and finally got it out today. I do hope it's enough for what I'm trying to show.


	12. Chapter 12

Yukari left after that, saying that she had “some things to think about”. She left the box she’d brought with her, though.

 

And Renko was left to sit in her apartment, and put some serious thought into what had actually happened.

 

Of course she wasn’t going to abandon Yukari. That was out of the question. But living with an actual, full-on youkai as one’s girlfriend would take some getting used to. 

 

After all, Renko hadn’t really thought about what it would entail. Apart from Yukari showing up at one in the morning, cheery and ready to face the day.

 

Now, she had to actually think about the fact that she was dating a literal monster. Which, while not as terrifying as one would expect, was still rather unsettling. Especially if the monster had the personality of Merry. An unpredictable, whimsical one, and one which was often quite impulsive.

 

Normally, that wouldn’t be a problem. The only thing it had done so far, after all, is get the pair into a bit of trouble with the police. But if one gives a personality like that to a being with powers like that… it might not be the most auspicious combination in the universe.

 

Who knows, it might end up destroying the universe.

 

So Renko was most probably going to have to deal with keeping Yukari in check, in addition to having her show up at the wee hours of the night and talk for seventeen hours while Renko needed to do projects. And hopefully not getting into any arguments. For, while Yukari obviously loved Renko very much, she, at least as Merry, had always had a temper. It hadn’t caused anything then, of course, but she was quite a bit more volatile now. 

 

And she didn’t even want to think about what would happen if Merry’s family found out. What was she going to tell them? “Hi, Miss Hearn, yes, nice to see you again, and your daughter is fine, except for the one small detail that she’s actually a youkai.” That was not happening, not now, not ever. They’d probably have her sent to jail, or something, or a mental hospital.

 

But then, on the other hand. Apart from all the problems this development could cause. Yukari still genuinely cared about her. At least, Renko was pretty sure that she did, but she wasn’t the one with a relative psychology major.

 

And Yukari did seem to be trying her hardest not to act “weird.” Renko could tell that it was awkward for her. But she still tried. And Renko hadn’t quite realized until last night what an effort it must have been. She was essentially a being with a personality completely opposite to a human’s, and for Renko, she acted as “normal” as could be.

 

Renko hadn’t even noticed. She had just assumed “oh, Merry’s changed a bit since I last saw her.” It was considerably more complicated than that, wasn’t it? “Merry” had had to undergo a transformation into a completely different kind of being, and who knows what over five thousand years of relative loneliness. Not many people would be able to understand her plight, after all.

 

No wonder she’d changed. Renko didn’t know if, if she was in that situation, she’d be able to even survive it without completely breaking down.

 

And here she’d been selfishly thinking that Merry needed to get her act together. Yukari might not have dated anyone in millennia! No wonder she was out of touch.

 

Renko realized then, that a relationship would be a bit more complicated than she’d originally expected. This wouldn’t be like picking up again with Merry, this would be like starting a completely new relationship with someone who she was somewhat familiar with. Yet different, at the same time, since they were essentially the same person. It would be like dating someone with the same memories and basic facets of personality that Merry had, yet completely different morals and ideas. 

 

It would be interesting, to say the least. If it didn’t end horribly.

 

If it did, at least she could say that she tried.

 

Renko was done thinking about it now. She and Yukari were dating, and it remained to be seen how it all would play out. That was all.

 

But Yukari had left her that package, hadn’t she? What was in it?

 

She walked over to the counter, where Yukari had left it, and picked it up. It was rather light, wasn’t it? What was in it?

 

Renko went back to the table and sat down with it. She cracked open the top a bit, and a note fell out. 

 

“My dear Renko.

 

First of all, thank you. For what you did earlier tonight. (What, did you think that I’d put a note somewhere without knowing how the preceding meeting went? Nonsense.) It’s been difficult to approach you, you see. I must confess, I’ve spent most of the past month being terrified that you would be terrified. But even tonight, when I explained what a monster I truly am, you didn’t shrink back in horror, or sit there frozen. Instead, despite everything, you came over to me and gave me a hug.

 

You’re probably aware of how much that means to me. After all, I’ve spent the vast, vast majority of my life as the feared “Great Youkai of Boundaries.” I was quite willing to accept that no one could possibly love me again. 

 

But you, again, are here for me. Just like old times, hmm? When I was “the crazy lady taking psych.” I didn’t have anyone to care about me then, either. My parents and sister were back in Ireland. And with a reputation like mine, it was impossible to make a single friend. And then there was you. You’d had a similar reputation, thanks to your great-aunt, but as soon as everyone realized how brilliant you were, it was shed like water from a duck’s back.

 

And I was still muddling along, all alone.

 

But then, I met you. 

 

And I was no longer alone. Our Sealing Club was the first place I had had to belong. Where no one thought that my ability to see boundaries was a joke.

 

It was so nice, and then I lost it all.

 

I was no longer who I had been. I was in the past, with no way back. And, in addition, everyone was trying to kill me! Isn’t that lovely. I was all alone again. 

 

So, since I had no direction left in life, I waited. And, I suppose, as I waited, I changed, as most beings are prone to do.

 

But then I realized that by changing so much, I had most probably isolated myself from even you. I was so afraid of that. You had been the thing I’d held on to when I was close to dying from loneliness. “If you were gone, what was the point?” That was my thought process at the time. I know it isn’t a good one. I shouldn’t have let my existence hinge on one person, one person who wasn’t even born yet.

 

But there is a point to this. The point is to explain why I was so dishonest with you in our first meeting. I was afraid of losing you.

 

And then tonight, you showed me that all my worry was for nothing. Even when hearing of the worst of me, you decided to stay by my side.

 

So thank you.

 

My, this really doesn’t have much to do with your present at all, does it? I suppose I got a bit sidetracked.

 

This present is indeed for you. I expect you thought it was a bit light when you first picked it up, didn’t you? It’s a gift, since it’s still so chilly out. And you never bother to put on a sweater, so I thought that perhaps something from me might give you a bit more incentive to wear.

 

Plus, we’ll match!

 

So, do open it up, and tell me what you think, little bird.

 

-Yukari”

 

Renko looked at the note- it was more like a letter- for a very long time.

 

It was an explanation for the why of everything she’d been wondering about. Why Yukari hadn’t approached her sooner. Why she still cared after such a long time.

 

And “little bird” was in that letter on purpose, Renko knew. It had been Merry’s pet name for her, when they were together. It was blatantly obvious that it was there to say “hey, I might be different, but I’m still essentially the same person.”

 

Frankly, it worked. Yukari had remembered a pet name for several millennia. That was far and away enough to prove that Yukari wasn’t just some youkai that had taken Merry’s place.

 

But anyway, what was in the package? Renko opened it fully.

 

And blushed a tiny bit.

 

The pair of gloves was a nearly perfect match with Yukari’s, except for one tiny detail. The red embroidery around the edge, just like the embroidery on Renko’s little cape. An enormous amount of thought had obviously been put into it. Renko slipped the gloves on, and marveled at how soft they were, while being just as light as cotton.

 

Five seconds later, however, she took them off again, to tell Yukari what she thought of them.

 

[usamimi] Where did you get those gloves?  
[usamimi] They’re so cozy!  
[the living embodiment of the color purple] France. At my equivalent to three in the morning. Yes, I know, I deserve praise heaped upon me for that. Thank you, thank you.   
[the living embodiment of the color purple] *applause is heard*  
[usamimi] But, about the note…  
[the living embodiment of the color purple] What about the note?  
[usamimi] I just wanted to let you know that it was really helpful. In understanding where you’ve been coming from. Thank you.  
[the living embodiment of the color purple] I tried. Hopefully it doesn’t seem too cheesy or anything. I’d need to go get some wine if that was the case.  
[usamimi] If you need to come over for a hug or anything, let me know. I’ll be here.  
[the living embodiment of the color purple] No, you will be getting sleep, even if I have to manipulate the border of asleep and awake to make you do it.  
[usamimi] Fiiiiiiiine. See you tomorrow, then?  
[the living embodiment of the color purple] Tomorrow night it is. See you then!

 

Renko suddenly realized exactly how tired she was. She barely had the energy to walk into her room and put the gloves on her nightstand.

 

And glance at the calendar, with “Eternal Screaming Into the Void” placed on next week.

 

She sighed and collapsed onto her futon with her day clothes still on. It had been quite the week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> boy howdy has it been a while  
> luckily i had Actual Time and no writer's block today


	13. Chapter 13

[the living embodiment of the color purple] Renko? Can I come over and talk for a bit?

It had been an eventful past few weeks. Finals had come and gone, with Yukari haphazardly showing up in the middle of Renko’s studying and arguing that the textbook was wrong. Eventually, Renko had had to sit her down and remind her that the physics she was studying was human physics, not youkai physics. She decided not to mention the fact that the fact that Yukari was sitting in front of her made human physics undeniably wrong, for the sake of her own sanity.

The two had ended up going out more, with Yukari fervently denying the fact that she was Maribel Hearn to anyone who asked. Eventually, people had stopped asking, and started assuming that Renko had an odd talent for attracting blondes with strange eyes. 

Yukari still tended to keep conversations more about Renko than her. And keeping them to lighter topics, to boot. She still wasn’t comfortable acting like her youkai self, but she was getting there. Sometimes she cracked jokes about it, but that was all.

Today, however, she’d seemed to be looking forward to for weeks. On their excursions, Yukari kept stopping by little shops, saying “just a minute”, emerging with a few bags, and then hiding them with a wink before Renko could even take a peek.

Today, of course, was Renko’s birthday. 

However, at five in the morning, Renko’s phone had buzzed, leaving that cryptic message on the screen. 

Sitting up with a yawn, Renko fumbled for her phone, accidentally entering the passcode wrong a total of three times, and sent back a reply.

[usamimi] Yeah, sure. You feeling okay? It’s not like you to text me so early.  
[usamimi] Or late, from some perspectives.

The floor in the living room gave a characteristic creak, and Renko’s bedroom door opened by a crack, revealing an extremely purple figure standing there.

“I’m feeling ‘okay’, certainly. The problem is, I’m usually feeling far better than ‘okay’. Can we chat?”

Without an invitation, Yukari unceremoniously took a seat on the floor, her dress crumpling around her. “Anyway. It’s your birthday today, is it not?”

Renko rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. “Unless you were buying all those presents for yourself, I’m pretty sure it is. Twenty-two, whee! But what’s that got to do with you feeling just ‘okay’?

Yukari sighed. “Quite a bit, actually. Shall we backtrack to our first conversation, when I got back? I believe I mentioned the fact that I’m approximately five thousand years old at this point in time.”

But what did that have to do with- oh. Oh. Renko suddenly realized. “And I’m turning twenty-two. And that reminds you of something, doesn’t it? It reminds you of the fact that I’m human. That, and all that comes with it. Even though you waited for me for all that time, I’m going to be gone in the blink of an eye, aren’t I?”

Yukari buried her head in her knees.

“Listen, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Yukari. But I never had super amazing magical powers like you did. I was never going to turn into a youkai from overusing them. I don’t want you to have to go through that again, but I can’t obtain more magic out of nowhere. I’m sorry.”

Yukari mumbled something, so softly Renko couldn’t hear it.

“What was that?” Renko leaned in closer. Maybe it would comfort her.

Yukari raised her head a little and whispered: “It’s not like you’d ever want to become a youkai, anyway.”

Renko hesitated for a second, then leaned up against Yukari, just like Maribel used to do to her. “Listen, listen, listen. Listen to me, just for a minute. If I could become a youkai, through whatever means, as long as it wasn’t hurting you, I would. But, Yukari. I’m just a slightly-past-ordinary human, living in a place where magic is the stuff of legends. Do you think I have any powers of my own? I mean, sure, I can tell time and location by looking at the stars- but that’s something any human can do with practice! I’m not a magician, Yukari. I’m a physicist. You’ve always been the magical one. But, there’s still time left. I’m not dying yet. And maybe, in that time, I’ll be able to find a way to be a youkai, and be able to live with you for as long as we want to live.”

Yukari looked over at Renko, a puzzled look on her face. “You… don’t have any moral objections to that plan? Any at all?”

Renko shook her head, wearing a bittersweet smile. “It’s not that I don’t have any now. But you don’t have any moral objections to being a youkai, correct? If we take me out of the picture?”

“Yes, but-”

Renko grabbed Yukari’s shoulders. “No buts. Yes, or no? If I did not exist, if I never had existed, would you have any problem with the kind of being that you are?”

Yukari’s eyes shone a dim violet in the dawn’s light from the window. “I would not have any objections. You are quite right. But what does that have to do with anything? You do exist, after all.”

Renko looked straight at her. “Tell me why you wouldn’t have any problem with that. After all, I can think of a few reasons Maribel Hearn wouldn’t want to become a youkai. So why are you fine with it?”

Vaguely, Yukari started to see where Renko’s thought process was headed. “Because, I suppose… Well, there are several reasons. I did have a rather violent awakening as a youkai- I won’t go into the details, but it certainly served as an introduction to the type of life I would have to lead from then on. In addition, and I’m not quite so sure about this part, but I theorize that becoming a youkai causes a fundamental change to one’s personality. You’d think I would have studied this more, as a psychology major, wouldn’t you? But I think it’s a combination of those two things, and in a significant portion, a feeling of elation at being more powerful than you ever would be as a human. I can count the youkai that I’ve met that weren’t pleased about being youkai on one hand. So, I’d say that becoming a youkai is not a pleasant process, but after the fact, you would be more than fine with your lot in life. But why is this important to our conversation?”

Renko gave a tiny smile. “It’s the thing with the absolute most importance in our conversation, of course! Because, as long as I’m happy after the transformation, it won’t really matter what I, as a human, think about it. Right? So all we have to do is find a method for it.”

Yukari stared in utter surprise. Renko was so willing to give up her humanity, fully aware that it would indelibly change who she was. “About a method. I don’t think you’ll have to search very far for that. But, one thing. You’ll have to undergo the transformation in Gensokyo. Where I live. If you became a youkai here, in the outside world, you would instantly disappear from lack of belief. I can get around that, thanks to a certain urban legend and my own somewhat-legendary status, but you need a place where humans will believe you exist. Also, you’ll probably not be able to return to this world for quite the while, so if you are really, truly willing to go through with this, I’d suggest going to graduation and getting your affairs in order first. After about, I’d say twenty or so years, you would be able to return here for short trips. The possible duration of the trip would increase for every year you spent in Gensokyo. So, what will it be? Do you want to think this over more, or would you like for me to explain how the method would work?”

Now it was Renko’s turn to be surprised. “You have a method? And it wouldn’t be very far at all?” However, when Yukari mentioned that she’d have to leave the outside for a while, Renko hesitated. “My sister would miss me, wouldn’t she… but I can explain all this! She’s in her second year of high school now, but she definitely wants to go to our university. I can write up some good old Sealing Club files, to be given to anyone with the Usami name, as an explanation. Just like great-aunt Sumi did for me. And you can give her letters, can’t you? I do want to be able to talk with her.”

Yukari nodded. “Letters would be the easiest thing in the world.”

“Great. So, I have to consider this for a minute, but I think I’ve got my answer.” Renko pored over the pros and cons in her head. Pros: She’d live in a land full of magic, see Yukari every day, be able to talk with her sister, and be a magical being that would most probably be very happy with her life. Cons: She’d be a youkai, so she’d have to attack humans, and she probably wouldn’t see her parents or her sister again until they were far older. Maybe not until her parents were dead. But, really, she already knew her answer from the start, didn’t she?

“What method would we need to use?”

Yukari smiled then, a genuine, wide smile. Renko noticed with a start that her teeth were sharply pointed, something she hadn’t noticed before simply because Yukari never smiled with her mouth open if she could help it. She was immediately distracted, however, when Yukari began to speak.

“A very simple one. There’s a boundary between any two things, whether it’s physical, metaphorical, or a bit of both. And, as we’re both well aware, I can manipulate those boundaries. It’s quite the simple task to manipulate the boundary of human and youkai, though I have to say, it probably looks impressive from an outside viewpoint. Essentially, it’s not exactly like flipping a switch- it’s more like dragging something along a sliding scale. When it crosses over, it takes on the characteristics of that side, though depending on how close to the center it is, it might resemble the other side. Is that explanation enough, or should I go into more detail?”

Renko shook her head. Maribel had always gone into so much detail when talking about boundaries. It seemed Yukari was no different. “That explanation’s more than enough. Thanks.”  
She shifted closer to Yukari. “As for my agreement to this plan, that would be a yes. I’ve considered the pros and cons. When do you think it should happen, then?”

Yukari, still smiling, said: “How about after graduation? A week is more than enough time to get your affairs in order. And more than enough time for me to get mine in order, as well. I don’t live alone, after all, and I’m pretty sure Ran would undergo minor cardiac arrest if she saw a strange person show up in my home. Chen wouldn’t mind much, but it’s always good to cover all your bases.”

“Ah yes, that.” Renko’s brow crinkled. “Who are Ran and Chen anyway? Are they tenants, or something? Are you renting your house out?”

Yukari laughed. “Oh, you’ll see in time. Au revoir, dear! I’ll be there at graduation, of course.”

* * *

The last week of Renko’s senior year passed in a rush. She was near-constantly at her laptop, typing up explanations for Sealing Club artifacts, and letters to friends and family, explaining the situation in various ways. The only one with the actual correct explanation was her letter to her sister. She registered the Sealing Club as a “legacy” club, meaning that anyone who wanted to revive it could, but that it was being shut down for now. She wore her gloves on nearly every one of these trips, so she could feel like she had Yukari beside her.

She was well aware that she might well be the only person on earth who was comforted by that feeling.

Her financial situation was in shambles, thanks to her quitting her job, but that wouldn’t matter soon enough. Her landlord had angrily come to her door once or twice, demanding rent, and the third time, Yukari, who had been helping her pack, calmly walked to the door and smiled at the man. He hadn’t come back since then.

Today, however, was graduation. The day when Renko would be leaving everything she knew behind, after, of course, gaining a diploma in super-unified physics. 

Somehow, the diploma seemed less important. As she sat in the auditorium next to Yukari, waiting for her name to be called, she wondered what it all would be like. She wondered, too, if she would be one of those youkai who regretted their lot in life. She was resolved to this, yes, but she was still worried.

She jolted a little in surprise when she heard Yukari whisper in her ear. “You’ll be fine. With both of your big events today.”

Renko playfully swatted at her. “You know, I’m more worried about passing with honors, anyway. You’ve asked me if I’m okay with this about a million times, and I’ve said yes to all of them.”

“Usami Renko!”

Renko nudged her. “It’s my time to go graduate. Don’t worry. I’m fine!”

As she walked across the stage, she thought about all that had happened while she was at that university. She’d met Maribel, ended up dating her, learned about hundreds of different worlds, traveled to them… so many things, culminating with now; Renko had made the decision to become a youkai, and live alongside Yukari in Gensokyo. As she took her diploma, she felt a tiny sting of sadness, and then it was gone.

She returned to her seat, and waited through the rest of the ceremony half-asleep on Yukari’s shoulder. When it finally was over, and everyone filed out of the auditorium, Yukari turned to her. “One last time. Are you sure, Renko? There’s still time to turn back now, after all.”

Renko vigorously shook her head. “I’ve made my decision. We’ve even emptied our apartment, left the keys on the table and everything. All we have left is to travel to Gensokyo. So, shall we go?”

Yukari smiled wide. “Of course! Time to become an unexplainable phenomenon, Renko~”

A gap opened ahead of them, causing students to stare. Yukari simply waved at them as she led Renko through with a smile. “Careful now, the void isn’t filled with the same kind of matter you’re used to. It’s a non-Newtonian fluid, somewhat, which means that you’ll have to tread heavily if you don’t want to sink in it. Anyway-” Another gap opened, showing a warm, green forest. “-we’re here!” 

Renko nearly tripped on the edge of the gap, but successfully managed to catch herself. “Alright then, where is this?” she said, staring out at the scene before her. A mountain rose in the distance, while ahead of her, trees taller than a three-story apartment covered the ground.

Yukari lightly jumped out of the gap beside her. “This, dear, is the northeastern edge of Gensokyo. Quite close to my home, but not exactly there. I don’t want to draw any unwanted attention to it. Now, take a seat, please.”

Renko took a seat, on a fallen log. 

“Are you ready for this?” Yukari looked intently into her eyes. “If you are, close your eyes. It’ll be a bit bright, thanks to the fact that we’re doing this magically.”

Renko shut her eyes tight.

“Alright.” Yukari’s voice said. “You’re not going to notice anything right away, but you will soon. You might feel a bit warm, though.”

Renko did feel a bit warm. It was somewhat like she was being enveloped by a heated blanket. 

“You can open your eyes now.”

Renko blinked her eyes open, and immediately shut them again. “Why is it so bright.”

Yukari gave a soft giggle. “You’re going to be more sensitive to sensory stimuli for a while. It won’t go away, per se, but you’ll get used to it. I brought my parasol for exactly this purpose, you know.”

Renko opened her eyes again. It was less bright this time, but that was probably thanks to Yukari standing over her, offering the shade of her parasol. She had on the same wide smile as before, but somehow Renko found it less intimidating. Yukari stretched out her hand, helping her to a shaky standing position. 

“Shall we head home, Renko?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are at the end. I have to say, when I started this in the summer, I expected to be done in a month. Ah, the folly of humanity. Something that our two main characters don't have to worry about any more, I suppose~


End file.
